Metroid Dread

00:00:00.000wanna know why it's called metroid dread

00:00:02.879because i would dread having to ever

00:00:04.960play this game again the metroid series

00:00:07.839is famous for selling zero copies

00:00:10.559they've been trying to sell these since

00:00:12.240nes people will not bite nintendo can't

00:00:15.040give these things away why because

00:00:17.359metroid is a flawed series always has

00:00:19.920been super metroid terrible game too

00:00:22.880confusing fusion two linear metroid

00:00:26.320prime too much backtracking zero mission

00:00:29.519not enough missions metroid prime

00:00:31.760pinball too scary metroid prime 4 made

00:00:34.960history by being the first game that

00:00:37.040nintendo publicly came out and said look

00:00:40.160this is doggy [ __ ] we can't sell this

00:00:42.719we're scrapping the entire game and

00:00:45.280redoing it from scratch now

00:00:48.160this is my theory that canceled version

00:00:50.480of metroid prime 4

00:00:52.160that is metroid dread first off this

00:00:54.079game is in 2d

00:00:56.079only nintendo fans are dumb enough to

00:00:58.399spend sixty dollars on a two-dimensional

00:01:00.320game things change you know technology

00:01:02.480advances metroid went 3-d

00:01:05.28040 years ago and now we're back to

00:01:06.960square one this is what a real sixty

00:01:09.040dollar game looks like not like this

00:01:11.040this is an embarrassment to the name of

00:01:12.799gaming and you know it first off jupiter

00:01:15.040steam does not understand metroid they

00:01:17.280don't they never have samus returns was

00:01:19.759a total disaster and once again they've

00:01:22.320ruined this once great franchise metroid

00:01:25.200is about atmosphere and exploration it's

00:01:28.000very moody and isolated retro dread goes

00:01:34.400metroid is non-stop shooting and killing

00:01:36.799and is directed by joe perry oh the guy

00:01:39.200flashed perry the guy perry the boss 20

00:01:41.439times in a row or you die the only

00:01:43.360gameplay of metro dread is parrying

00:01:45.600these guys think they're making secular

00:01:47.520appear except this game would be called

00:01:49.520suckering because it [ __ ] sucks on a

00:01:51.600monkey's balls not only is this game too

00:01:54.000linear it's also too confusing at the

00:01:56.479same time how are you going to make a

00:01:57.680game this constrictive and i'm still out

00:01:59.840here getting lost for hours on end just

00:02:02.399bad game design 101 that's metroid it's

00:02:05.360always been metroid

00:02:06.880then it's [ __ ] david jaffe the director

00:02:09.840of god of war which is what a real 60

00:02:11.760dollar game should be like david jaffe

00:02:14.160says metroid dread is bush league game

00:02:16.720design crap bush league if this is

00:02:19.440acceptable to you you're just a [ __ ]

00:02:21.200[ __ ] look at this i agree with that and

00:02:23.840because this game is bad metroid dread

00:02:26.239is too hard you want me to save you 60

00:02:28.959right now here look at this

00:02:32.319this is what it's like to play metroid

00:02:35.280i just saved you 60 dollars nintendo

00:02:37.840knows 2d is not worth 60 dollars even a

00:02:41.120masterpiece game like donkey kong frozen

00:02:43.760ape was only ever 50 dollars hollow

00:02:46.080knight is 100 times better than this

00:02:47.680game there i said it it's only cost

00:02:50.319three dollars metroid is a rip off every

00:02:52.640enemy in the game kills you in one hit

00:02:54.560because they're ripping off a sekaroo

00:02:56.400the robots are invincible they can see

00:02:58.560you when you're invisible if you try to

00:03:00.720run away the robot will freeze you from

00:03:02.879across the entire world and then kill

00:03:04.800you in one hit oh but guess what that

00:03:07.360parry move

00:03:08.480that parry move that you have to parry

00:03:10.239every single boss in the entire video

00:03:12.159game every single enemy every single

00:03:14.159[ __ ] door every single piece of [ __ ]

00:03:16.239thing in this entire video game the

00:03:17.760mechanic that supersedes every other as

00:03:19.599the be-all end-all solution to every

00:03:21.200single challenge in the entire video

00:03:22.720game well guess what

00:03:24.959you can't parry the robot

00:03:27.120why would you be able to do that

00:03:29.040you stupid idiot so why is this game so

00:03:31.680terrible well first off back to back to

00:03:35.280back to back up back to back to back to

00:03:37.440back to back loading screens in this

00:03:39.519game this is loading screen the video

00:03:42.080game they should have put this game on

00:03:43.680the ps5 because the switch cannot handle

00:03:46.080this the gondola is a little screen the

00:03:48.159elevator is a load screen the teleporter

00:03:49.840is a load screen if you want to shoot a

00:03:51.040missile that's a load screen if you go

00:03:52.879in this game and take out all of the

00:03:54.799loading and cut scenes you are left with

00:03:57.360three minutes of total gameplay look it

00:03:59.760up imagine paying 60 dollars for a three

00:04:02.560minute game and on top of that there are

00:04:04.640only four bosses in this game like

00:04:06.720stupid god of war you fight seven mother

00:04:08.799brains seven robots seven of that guys

00:04:11.120seven of this guy roll credits nintendo

00:04:13.519sucks now metroid dread is about to make

00:04:15.920this franchise be dead you want a good

00:04:18.320metroid game go play metroid other m

00:04:21.120because at least you would be playing a

00:04:22.960other game than this

00:04:24.960[Music]

00:04:36.080you